i’ve been getting headaches lately.
i think i’ve been thinking and worrying too much lately. and i haven’t really pinpointed what exactly i am worried about…
i start my job tomorrow. i can’t wait. i think once i pay off all my recent ‘big’ purchases that will eliminate some of my headaches. also… lately i have felt really lazy and unmotivated. having a job to go to will help me from feeling so lazy.
i should also get my car checked out. i was rear-ended last night while at a stoplight. i was on my way home… turning right at a stoplight.. i had just started going (since the light turned green)… while taking a sip of my soda that i just got at the wendy’s on the corner… and *bam.* it sounded louder and more severe than it really was. it looks like my bumper did what it was supposed to do… and looks just the SLIGHTEST amount pushed in. the most major damage was to my “God is not mad at you, no matter what” bumper sticker… where most of the ink was rubbed off. ahh well. guess i’ll have to get another bumper sticker. no biggie. the guy didn’t have insurance. but he did pull over and was very apologetic. (which.. for the neighborhood that i was in… this was a big surprise to me) if he was a jerk and/or didn’t pull over… i would be super peeved. but i’m not.
now… for a completely different subject… since that’s just how my brain works…
i was driving home from lunch today… driving past a grade school on capitol… seeing the kids out on the swing set playing… with their big fuzzy winter coats surrounding them… making it almost impossible for them to move their limbs…. and i started reflecting on our growth throughout our lives.
we all know that we grow physically. does anyone know exactly how many percent we grow from when our hearts first start beating? i’ve been trying to wrap my brain around the math… from… what… an inch or two… to… 4, 5, 6 some odd feet? that’s a whole lot of growth.
and also our ‘world’ grows with us. well.. the world doesn’t grow… but our realization of the world is what grows and changes. to think of the little girl on the swing in that huge pink coat… her world was probably just big enough to fit her school… her house/family… and maybe a couple parks… the grocery store… etc. i remember when life was that simple. and my world consisted of all that i knew in my neighborhood… the bike path… my friends’ houses…. the bakery where i would get free cookies…. and extending to couple different states where we traveled to for vacations. everything was all right and good with the world. at least in my little world… it was. and that’s all that i could see… and that’s all that i knew… and that was ok.
now, while i have physically stopped growing… my world keeps growing. everything is NOT just “alright” in this world. and now that i see that… how can i not be moved to act? i remember reading a bumper sticker that said “if you aren’t outraged, then you haven’t been paying attention.” so true. if we aren’t moved to do something about all the injustice and wrong in the world… that means that our world has not grown to include those things. (either we are unaware, or we turn our heads and ignore those “parts” of the world because of our own fear and discomfort) using excuses like “well.. the problem is too big anyways.” or “i’m so far away…..” doesn’t cut it. i’ve used them both. they are just signs of laziness. i refuse to continue this self destructive path. i want to do something to change the world.
i’ve been reading a lot about some of the politics surrounding this upcoming election. if you’ve been reading my blog, you may have seen a couple posts about voting no on this marriage amendment thing. i must say i’m really passionate about this issue.. and the more and more i talk to people… the more and more i worry about our state’s well-being if this amendment passes. it would be our state taking a giant step backwards in time. if we make it legal to discriminate against a group of people… what will be next? is the next amendment going to be going back in time even more… and making it legal to have slaves? i mean.. yea… people think “yea.. right. that will never happen.” but i’ve been hearing HORROR stories from other states that have passed similar amendments… stories of people using the amendment to strip ‘domestic abuse’ rights from girls who ‘shack up’ with their boyfriend who now is beating them. i’m sorry. but if you use the law to defend an abusive boyfriend… i’m leaving that state! my goodness! or how ’bout states that have used the amendment to take benefits away from children of same-sex families? what did that child do to deserve that? what is the child going to do? get a full time job at the age of 12? seriously people! these horror stories are just making me mad. it almost makes me want to not read / listen to/ watch any of the news. but that would be like me “turning my head” in order to make my “world” all “good and right.”
that’s not what Jesus did…. and i follow Him.
so i’ll live with the headaches. it means that i’m paying attention.
Current Mood: 
worried
Current Music: tracy howe
anxious
pleased
