just a short post to say:
1) work is awesome. i feel productive. 
2) matthew turner spoke at impact tonight.. and it was SO awesome. he’s hilarious and gave us a great message. go buy his book.. you won’t be sorry!
3) God is GOOD!
gratefulso i really haven’t updated all weekend. and for good reason. i’ve been busy. 
it’s been a real blast having julia visit for the weekend. i love having friends randomly drop by and visit. and if you know me, i also love ‘networking’ friends (you know… having my friends meet my other friends … so we can all be one big group of friends). that’s one thing that has been such a tremendous blessing in my life… that i have a group of friends that knows each other in some way or another. and actually, when i reflect on my group of friends in my life right now, it’s pretty amazing to think of how God weaved all our lives together. man.. God’s cool! 
so here’s a quick rundown of this past weekend. friday night, me and julia went to see the concert in chicago (it was ginny owens, monk & neagle, and randall goodgame). saturday night was the 50th anniversary of university christian ministries at uwm, and there was a banquet that we attended, and i had the opportunity to do a brief sharing at the dinner. (a talk, under five minutes, about how campus ministry effected my life at uwm) sunday morning was church at westminster…. where i played with the band for the first time in quite a while. sunday night me and julia hung out with my friend naomi on the east side until the wee hours of the morning. (man.. i love that area.. not to mention jimmy johns! ) monday we hung around my apartment and acted nerdy on our laptops…. now it’s tuesday morning.. and i need to go to bed.
so there’s the update. happy?
-o- i found this link on nikki‘s site… and i just have to link it. can a real Christian have depression? from relevant magazine. it’s right on. read it!
It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s…
Less like tearing more like building
Less like captive more like willing
Less like breakdown more like surrender
Less like haunting more like remember
And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like characterLess like a prison a prison more like my room
Less like a casket more like a womb
Less like dying more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an endingAnd I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scarsJust a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out
Hoping you would comeAnd I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you…And I know you’re here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And more like character
(“less like scars” by sara groves)
so someone reminded me that it was april fools day today. whoopie. but anyway, i remember when i was younger and i looked forward to april fools day, cuz i could ALWAYS fool my parents with some sort of trick or something…. and now look at me, i didn’t even realize that april was here already, let alone this day people call ‘april fools‘ day
but all april fools things aside, i just have to comment briefly about something. i received a compliment today that really made me think (in a good way). first off, if you keep up with the mp3s that i post on my webpage, you may have noticed that there are now more and more songs on there where i am singing and playing the guitar for our crusade worship team. well today someone said that they were glad that i was singing more at crusade. they told me that when i sing, it’s so… real, and commented that i have a real gift in music. this complement really touched me. not right away though. an hour or so afterwards, it really hit me. and i was like. ‘wow‘. i love how God gives me these tidbits of encouragement. i’ll admit, while i feel that my calling is in music ministry, there are days when i feel so inadequate. some days i feel like i’m just not ‘good’ in music, or that i just ‘can’t do it’. but then God chimes in and chips away one more of the self constructed doubts in my mind.
so yea, that’s a little insight to what’s going on in my complex mind now this mind will go lay on that pillow on that bed over there. night!
God has really been teaching me a lot lately. a lot about journey. about trials. about growing. about hurting. about healing. and about just trusting Him in everything. but i just want to write a word or two about worship… and in particular… “leading” worship.
i don’t know how many people who read this have had the awesome opportunity to assist in “leading” worship. and i put “leading” in quotations, because i feel that no human can actually lead in worship. God leads. in talking to chris tomlin, he calls himself a ‘lead worshiper’ as opposed to ‘worship leader’. and i like that. it’s much more accurate of a title. but anyways.. i digress… (as usual).
being on the ‘worship team‘ has been such an awesome experience for me, for many reasons. the fellowship with other people who share in my passion for music and for praising God is just the tip of the iceberg! one thing that only people who have been in front during worship can tell you about, is the sight we see. it is so awesome. i can be playing SOOO badly. hitting on a wrong note.. speeding up the beat.. drop a stick… completely miss the drums. miss the cymbals.. hit myself in the head… (don’t laugh… i’ve done it… MANY times. and yes… that does explain some things *grin*)… but then i’ll look out at the crowd.. and see people just worshiping God… it just makes me realize… it’s NOT about me. it’s NOT about how i play the drums. God can use me even when i do hit myself in the head. God asks us to make a joyful noise. (and trust me. i do that a LOT while driving in my car! *grin*) i wish everyone could see what i see when i’m on the worship team…. it puts things back into perspective for me… and just brings joy to my soul. (and this view of mine is a big reason why when people compliment me, i’ll tell them… “well.. thanks.. but i just hit things” )
so anyways. that was on my heart to tell you all. thanks for listening (reading). and my God’s blessings fill your morning/day/evening/night.
two consecutive posts after a long lull in my blogging? what’s this?! *grin*
anyways, i just had an awesome day, and i must share with you this day that God blessed me with.
first, let me start with yesterday, since the two days have just blended together for me so yesterday, i get up early and head to plymouth church to help chaperone some kids from two different youth groups participating in the 30 hour famine. this was an interesting experience. if you know me, you know that i don’t like working with younger kids very much, but this was pretty cool. we did a couple art projects, a super awesome community service project, several Bible studies, and many many games. you could tell the kids got more and more tired and worn out from not eating (as with us adults) because for the last two Bible studies there was no one playing with the punching balloon, throwing pillows, kicking or punching each other, falling off chairs, cracking jokes, squirming or otherwise being a distraction. they actually began to look and act more human, and at those points when they were seriously applying themselves, the questions and the statements that came out of their mouths were amazingly intelligent. it was pretty cool to see. and as they started to settle down a bit, my migraine actually went away.
so anyways, i ended up leaving the sleepover a bit early, and drove down to racine after 10pm. got lost in racine (again). talked to some random person in open pantry on my cell phone. found my way again. got the chance to reunite with several of my friends. received and gave several hugs in a very short amount of time. danced a bit, talked a bit, went to eat at denny’s in racine with some of my michigan peeps, and then drove home around 1am.
so i get home, blog, talk to glynn who just happened to be over, then went to bed.
wake up this morning, go to westminster church to play in the church band. things went well there, and i just love that congregation there. all the people are just so nice, welcoming, and loving. alan mentioned me in the prayers of the church about my upcoming surgery (which is march 19th by the way), and everyone in the church came up to me afterwards to talk to me about it, wish me luck, assure me that God was with me and/or say that they would keep me in their prayers. i am just so touched by their outpouring of concern, as well as all the prayers of all my other brothers and sisters in Christ.
in the afternoon, while i was resting and taking a bit of a nap, cari calls and comes over just to hang out. i’m just so blessed with friends. i love it when just the simple presence of a friend is God’s present to me. Thanks God!
finally, this evening i agreed to lead the music for an evening service at plymouth church, the same place where the 30 hour famine happenings occurred, so the sanctuary was littered with banners and strings of paper adorned with hand prints. (over 2,000 hand prints, mind you. each hand, representing 15 kids that die EACH DAY due to hunger related causes!) the service went great, and the fellowship afterwards was even more awesome. there was just something so terribly… RIGHT… about the people. we laughed so much. we found unexpected things in common with each other. and just delighted in God’s presence.
and now, i’m going to meet more awesome friends at my parents house. *waves* God rocks!
this is sad. i get my webpage back up after a grueling couple of weeks, and now i’m slacking on posting. i had so much to say when my webpage was down, and now look at me *grin*
but anyway, i’m blogging as my “break” from cleaning my room…. (well.. the cleaning is going really slow, because it consists mostly of looking through the old stuff i find and reminiscing) since my room looks like my closet puked all over my floor. (yea… graphic picture.. but trust me.. it’s a disaster in here!) i figured i should clean my room and maybe do some laundry before we go to minnesota for the weekend (ahhh! i can’t wait!!!)… since classes start up right when we get back. (yuck. i’m not looking forward to classes to start.. can you tell?)
some times… when i really clean my room, i’ll take the time to look at the stuff that i’m cleaning. and i always find pictures. (go fig. *grin*) pictures from recent occasions most of the time, but every so often, i find older pictures, and i am always taken back in time to remember those days. i’m taken back and remember the friends i had and have not talked to in years… the friends who have passed away…. the friends who have changed. i look at how things were, and i smile. but then i remember how _I_ was in those days. how on the outside i was happy, smiley and care-free. but in the inside i felt depressed… alone… empty. it makes me so much more thankful for my life today…. a life filled with joy (joy is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ)
as i listen out my window, and hear the freshman coming back from the parties down the street… intoxicated… shouting… laughing… running… falling…….. i am reminded of how many people have that emptiness in their life. it breaks my heart. but mountains will be moved this year. i am sure of it.
what a day.
i went to my cousin’s birthday party (he’s 21. i feel old. my “little” cousins are getting older… and MUCH taller than me.. ahh!) and had a chance to talk to family for a bit… and watch others get thrown in the pool with their clothes on. (heh) i also always seem to leave my family with lots of food! my roommates love me because of all the food i bring home for them. hehe
anyway, the most important part of my day was later when i went to church at my friend amy’s church. i really do like that church, and it was a good thing that i decided to go tonight (even though i lost track of time and ended up getting there late, and almost couldn’t find my other friends who were already in church).
the sermon tonight was about “living on the edge.” it was really good for me to hear. the passage was about the “twin cities”, sodom and gomorrah, being destroyed. the ‘cities’ represented sin, and God telling lot to leave the city behind, and head far away to the mountains, represented God’s calling us to leave behind the sinful life, and find true life, joy and freedom in His presence. lot didn’t want to go too far from the city where he had made his ‘home’, so he bargained with God to flee to a smaller town just outside the cities. this is what we tend to do in our own lives …. we want to ‘live on the edge’ …. not leave our past completely behind us and move far away. why? fear, indecision, doubt? *shrugs*
anyway, the sermon was really awesome, and the pastor even brought a dog into the church for his sermon. it was pretty funny to see the dog running around on a long leash… and jumping up on the pews etc. (mind you, this is a HUGE church. i think this place can seat over 1,200 people) and the dog on the leash tied in perfectly with the sermon topic, which i found pretty cool. when living on the edge, we are just like the dog… always trying to tug on the leash to get further, but going back to the owner when we need something (like the treat of a piece of chicken that the dog so anxiously went back for.) and then running back to where our interests lie… in the world.
anyway, before i make this post WAY too long for my own good, i’m just gonna say that the lesson today was very good, and that our decisions to follow Christ should be all or nothing… not “living on the edge” between both choices…
i choose Christ.
